Encouraging Words

Reblogged from GirlyAutism:

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Saturday was rough.  Yelling, crying, fighting, messes… and then the children woke up ;o) Proverbs 15:1  A gentle answer turns anger away.  But mean words stir up anger. (NIrV) Trying to get 7 children to do their chores on Saturday AFTER watching 3 hours of cartoons – I could have been wiser.  But chores needed to be done and I am the mom (manager, boss, slave-driver depending on which child you ask!). Rosebud and her little sister were to unload the dishwasher.  They fought as they were attempting …

Sunshine in the Storm

I stood watching my young children play on the playground from the sidewalk outside the fence.  BubbaBoy had fallen asleep in the van and from my vantage point I could glance over and make sure he was ok.  It was mid-February in sunny Florida, yet the sky was a deep dark grey with clouds of smoke rising from the west.  Ash fell like snowflakes reminding me how lucky we are to be away from the ice and snow of the frigid north.  The forest fire season was just coming upon us yet the smoke was far enough away to let the children play outdoors without fear of asthma attacks.

Rosebud was wandering aimlessly from one play area to another.  Chewing on her fingers, surveying the surroundings, avoiding the other children.  She headed over to the climbing structure that looks like a giant soccer ball made of bungee cords that her siblings were playing on.  She started climbing, playing along side of them for a minute or two.  Then she climbed down and walked out to me.

She desperately wanted to get into the van to escape.  But we had another 15 minutes at the park, and I knew she could have fun if she wanted to.  She used to love the park but recently she had been changing.  More agitated, more unsure, more anxious.

She started asking me “Can I get in the car now? Now? NOW?! NOW!!!”  Over and over.  I reassured her that we would leave in 15 minutes and asked her what it was about the park that was making her so nervous.  I asked her if the other children were making her nervous and she said yes.

I called NinjaBoy over and asked him if he would pretty pretty please take RoseBud back into the fenced in play area and play with her.  He, of course, said he didn’t want to.  I was sad in my heart but I said it was his choice and he went off and started playing on the play structure again.

As I was blinking back tears – for both my Autistic daughter and her brother – EviePoodle skipped over to RoseBud and said “come play with me!”  And even when RoseBud ignored her, she kept asking, telling her that she really wanted her to come play.  Even when RoseBud said “NO!” she was so kind and kept trying.  After quite a bit of coaxing by EviePoodle, Rosebud finally went with her to play!  She still walked around the playground in a self-protecting manner: chewing on fingers, avoiding other children, not speaking to EviePoodle.  But she followed Evie everywhere she went.

As my eyes misted over from what went from sadness to sunshine in my heart, I praised God for the little things.  This was the very first time EviePoodle (who just turned 6) had ever taken the mother hen role with big sister RoseBud (9 1/2) – without being asked.  It was the first time I realized that maybe, just maybe, someone cares for and wants to help take care of RoseBud.

Toddlers and fish tanks?

I had a tragedy this week.  SOMEone was being super helpful by pulling a chair from the dining room to the living room, reaching w…a….y… back to get the fish food, and feeding my fish.  An entire nearly new jumbo can of fish food.  I tried fishing the food pellets out but the only net I had was holey (used as sand sifters and bug catchers by the children).  I ended up pitching the useless net.  SOMEone’s helpfulness ended in the tragic death of my whole fish tank population.  Except one.  Well, technically 2 survived, but one committed suicide by jumping out of his emergency temporary tank (a mixing bowl).  This wasn’t just some 10 gallon tank with a few fish in it.  This was my 55 gallon Cichlid tank.  African Cichlids to be precise.  Big, beautiful, friendly, unique fish that make me very happy.  Well, they made me very happy.

 

After doing a dramatic emergency water change (70% of the tank), I let it cycle for a few days with some ammo carb to absorb the ammonia and impurities.  I cleaned the filters gently so I wouldn’t kill off the good, beneficial bacteria.  Then when the water was clear and clean again, I let each child pick out a fancy goldfish.  I picked out a few dwarf frogs and a loach (a yellow eel-ike creature about 2.5 inches long).  The children were so happy – and still are – with their very own goldfish.

 

The next morning SOMEone fed the fish in the smaller tank that my daughter just got for her 6th birthday!  I know what you’re thinking “you ding-a-ling, why didn’t you lock the fish food up after the first tragedy?!”.  Actually, the fish food was locked up.  In my soon to be a teen ager’s room.  Guess who climbed INTO her room through the WINDOW and swiped the fish food, then took it back outside and brought it all the way to the other side of the house to feed the fish?  No, really, that was a rhetorical question.  You guessed it – more fatalities.  Luckily this time it was not a full tank of skanky dead fish.  This time the food was much easier to clean out of the tank because I had bought a new fish net!

 

So are you wondering what the heck I was doing while said child was attempting to ‘help’ mommy?  Well, I’m going to let you in on a little secret.  Please, don’t tell anyone I told you.  Are you ready?  Ok, here goes:  mommies have to go potty sometimes!  GASP!  I know, I just ruined the glamour of my profession.

 

 

Anger Monster

I have to admit I have no memories of what it was like to be four years old.  The joy of digging in the sandbox or finding what, for me, was the most beautiful butterfly ever.  The sadness that caused me to cry when my sister wouldn’t play with me or my mom was too busy to read me a book.  The monumental exploson of anger when my Saturday morning cartoons were turned off or my sister snatched my favorite toy.
My dear, sweet, funny, loveable four year old was sent home from school (again) today.  He has a speech and language delay that is severe enough that he is in a full day pre-k speech program through our school system.  He tends, like many boys, to act instead of communicate verbally.  He is also prone to be in his own little world at times.I have a four year old, and if I can’t truely empathize, I can at least sympathize with him.

Ahhh, my Little Turkey.  Just thinking about him makes me smile.  That cute nose that is so soft and squishy, his funny way of trying not to smile when he can’t keep a frowny face, the way he head butts my hand when I say “high five!”

When he arrived home our conversation was very interesting.  He wouldn’t tell me what happened at school that got him kicked out at first.  But after proding gently, he started to open up.

“Tyler cleaned up my toys” he said as if his best friend had betrayed him.

Hmmm…how to proceed without hurting his feelings and making him clam up even more…

“Did your teacher say it was it clean up time?” I asked.

“No!”

“Did he know that you were playing with those toys?” I asked, hoping and praying he would keep communicating with me.

“Yes!”

“Did you use your words and tell him that you were playing with those toys?”

“No!”

“Did you use your words at all?” I asked, trying to keep my tone neutral, even though I felt like saying a million other things that were not very kind.  I was thinking of all the other times he has not used words and the bazillion conversations we have had about it.

“No!”

I took a deep breath.  I told him that his anger is like a little monster inside.  His words are more powerful than that anger monster.

“You were angry at Tyler for cleaning up your toys.  You wanted your toys back.  Instead of using your words, you threw a chair at your friend and hurt him.  Did that help you get your toys back?”  I asked.

“No!”

I told him that he chose to let the anger monster come out, but that a better choice was to use his powerful words.  Because his words are stronger than his anger.
“No!”"Did you know that if you would have used words to say “please don’t take my toys” you might have gotten them back?  After throwing the chair, did you get your toys back?”

“See, words ARE more powerful than that anger monster.”

I have never before thought of anger as a beastly monster inside, but for some reason it just popped into my head.  I hope and pray that it will help him start communicating more and getting kicked out of school less.

Please, Lord, keep him from having “anger monster” nightmares!

Sweet Love

This last week NinjaBoy has been playing “Mario and Sonic Winter Olympics” game on the Wii almost every day.  Historically he has shown himself an intensely competitive, supremely poor loser in whatever game he plays.  I usually give the kid a break, since he is only 7.  I do not tolerate poor sportsmanship and he usually ends up going to his room after a brief tirade about a less than perfect score in the downhill ski jump or figure skating events.

A lightbulb went off in NinjaBoy’s head a few days ago.  He decided to play an event in this Wii game with his sister as a teammate rather than an opponent.  His sister was ecstatic.  Instead of the normal grumping and yelling, NinjaBoy practiced some coaching skills “Alright, now when I say GO, you wiggle your remote, and when I say stop, you stop”.  His older sister RoseBud thought this was a slice of heaven.  Following his instructions in the fast paced game of “brushing” (who knew stones and brooms could be so much fun on an ice rink?), RoseBud felt so important!  When the game ended, and their team won, NinjaBoy did something I have NEVER seen him do before.  He ran up to RoseBud and gave her the biggest, happiest hug in the universe!  Of course, she hugged too long, and reluctantly let go only to grab him up in another bear hug.  His legs and arms flopped around and the squeals of “Let me GO!  That’s ENOUGH” rang through the living room.  But all was well, and they ended their Wii session happier than I’ve seen either of them in a long time.

I have to admit seeing it made me happier than I’ve been in a long time too!

Dear Lord,

Thank you for the little things that brighten my day and help me see glimpses of the goodness to come!  Thank you for giving me this special moment to enjoy.

In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen!

Worship from the Crib

I love to sing.  Music helps me relax, it excites me, it calms me, it helps me connect with my children and it is one of the ways I worship my God.

I recently started singing at church during the worship service and although I have been in the spotlight a few times I am still pretty nervous.  I practice my 3 worship songs over the week so I am ready on Sunday morning.  Saturday night, a few hours after putting the kids to bed I was running through the songs one last time.  As I got to the chorus of a song, I heard BubbaBoy (just turned 2) sing out from his crib (loudly): “HOLY…HOoooooOOOooooOOOOLY…HOLY!”

I hope that very true story put a smile on your face.  You would have been laughing had you been here in person to hear him!  It was adorable.

Here is the song I was practicing, which elicited such a response from my 2 year old:

As I was practicing, this next song really spoke to my heart.  These lines really jumped out at me:  ”Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light, yet conceals it to give us the coolness of night?”  ~and~ “You see the depths of my heart and you love me the same, you are amazing God!”  Living in a hot climate, I understand how refreshing the coolness of night can be after a hot day.  Isn’t it amazing how much care God took when creating our world?  And then the line about God seeing into the depths of my heart – ewwww, gross!  My heart is full of yucky stuff on any given day, yet he sees it and loves me anyway.  I find that deeply comforting.

Here is the song that had me pondering:

Psalm 139

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

¹ You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
² You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
⁵ You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.

¹⁹ If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
²⁰ They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
²¹ Do I not hate those who hate you, LORD,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
²² I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
²³ Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

Genius

I have a special key ring with an itty bitty USB flash drive and a special key on it that I use frequently.  I keep it with my car keys on a mock carabiner for easy removal.   This has been a great set-up for me because I can use it and have never lost it.

Until this morning.

I had used my USB flash drive last night in my computer.  This morning it was gone.  NinjaBoy informed me that my BubbaBoy had been playing with it earlier.  I sent everyone to go check every nook and cranny a 2 year old would lose a set of keys.  They all went scrambling around the house checking to see if he had put them in the toilet or left them to play with the dust bunnies under the couch.  After a few minutes I sat stumped…”Where did he put it?”  I asked to no one in particular.

At that moment BubbaBoy walked over to my end table, opened the drawer and pulled something out.  He closed the drawer, walked over to me and gave me the missing key ring.

Pure genius.

It never even occurred to me to ask my 2 year old “where did you put my keys?”

Guess he didn’t get his genius from me…

Silly Rhymes to the PB & J Tales

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

OK, so this is not a woodchuck… it’s a beaver.

But the answer is…

He could chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could if a woodchuck could chuck wood!

OR

No woodchuck could chuck Chuck Norris.

Chick fil A Cow Day

This summer I am grateful for my fabulous babysitters who helped the kids get ready for COW APPRECIATION DAY at our local ChickfilA!  We ended up heading to the park with our 9 Chick Fil A meals (all FREE, thank you management!)

Summer Chores

How do you keep the house clean with seven children, age 2 to 13 running through it 24/7 all summer long?  Make them do chores first thing in the morning, of course!

How do you get them to do chores?  Ummm….

Plus, getting the calendar set up so that there are some really cool things each week, such as library trips, morning movies, swimming at the lake, and some cool stuff like playing playdough and getting out the mini-trampoline for fun and exercise.

Our chore lists used to be really detailed, such as: put shoes in the cubby, hang backpack, take out the trash, sweep the floor…etc…  But, of course, I had to go over each and every item for each and every child.  Can you imagine?  6 children (one is to young to do chores!) times 10 chores each = 60 chores to check up on.

I have found that the more detailed the chore list is, the more the children will eventually say “But THAT’s not MY job!”  So I decided to make the chore list much broader to avoid those moments (which are very frequent unfortunately).

So now, NinjaBoy, is in charge of cleaning the kitchen.  From unloading the dishwasher to loading it, wiping the counters, picking up stuff off the floor, getting toys and books off the counters, putting away food that was left out…  You might think this is way too much for a seven year old to handle and you are, of course, right!  But I can say to him “go clean your ‘room’ and he starts his job.  I then work with others to get their ‘rooms’ done and pass in and out helping him (a lot of help at this point).  This way he gets ownership of the room, gets to work with mom, gets to learn new skills (every day we work on spacial orientation – loading the bowls!)

At the end of our chore chart, there is a special disclaimer:  ”Each person is responsible to “pick up their stuff” when mom sets the timer.  If you have not picked up your stuff, it will be thrown away or given to little children who will take care of it”.  This is how this works: NinjaBoy is in charge of the kitchen -including his siblings things – but when I set the timer, each child needs to run around the house finding every single item that belongs to them (even in the kitchen!) and put it away.   After the first few times I went around with a laundry basket collecting all their stuff and getting rid of it, they worked fast and very thoroughly!